My mind is spinning.
Can’t control my thoughts.
Am I enough?
For you? My friends? My family?
Am I deserving this?
Love? Trust? Happiness?
Have I disappointed?
You? My parents? My friends?
What have I done in my life to deserve all this?
Failures, pain, losses, trust issues, a broken heart, a broken soul, fears, shattered dreams.
Can I ever be truly happy again?
Without the fear of losing it again?
Do all the things with joy like in the good old days?
I hope so.
I pray so.
Only God has my back and I’m glad about it, because he is the only one I can trust in my healing process. He knows what he is doing.
Written by Charu
There was a time where I was happy.
Happy about my life and my choices I‘ve made, but now there’s nothing left of it.
I lost my happiness along the way and I don’t know where to find it again.
Is it in another person?
In a new job?
In a different city?
Or something completely different?
I have no idea.
I‘m working hard to find it.
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You left me in tears.
But oh lord I still want you so bad.
I can’t have you and it breaks me.
I want to hold you.
I want to smell your fragrance everywhere.
I want to protect you from your pain.
I want to be your happiness.
Please let me.
We drive each other crazy, but this is our secret recipe, right?
You make me sad and I make you sad, isn’t that our thing?
I think we are made for each other, but something keeps us apart every time.
I‘m still figuring it out, but I can’t find it.
The only thing I figured out is you and me and how bad I want you, even though we are toxic for each other.
Written by Charu
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I love you so much, but I need to let you go, once and for all.
We didn’t work anymore and it breaks my heart to realize this.
The time has come that we end up things and let go of each other, it’s for the best, baby.
I‘m tired of trying so much to fix two shattered hearts at once, I just can’t do it and you aren’t even trying.
It’s for the best, even though it breaks me into million pieces, we need to and that’s okay.
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When it comes to you I drop everything and be there for you.
And you? I shouldn’t even say this, but you’re not there for me when I need you.
I‘m a human too, I have feelings too and I’m hurt too and you don’t give a damn about it.
I would give you the world if I could, instead I give you all my power and energy — for literally nothing.
But this is our relationship, I give and you take, nothing else and I remain silent.
It’s not because I’m afraid of you or your person, I‘m just…
If I scream, who can hear me? — Nobody.
When I cry, who can hear me? — Nobody.
If I pray, who can hear me? — Nobody.
When I sing, who can hear me? — Nobody.
If I write, who can read me? — Nobody.
If I dance, who can see me? — Nobody.
Who is there for me when I’m sitting alone in my room and all thoughts come up? — Nobody.
No one ever cares about my feelings, aren’t they worth it enough?
I‘m always the one who is helping anyone, but who is helping me when I’m…
I‘m always the one who loses, but no one was afraid of losing me, so I’m asking is there someone out there in the future who is afraid of losing me?
This question pops up every now and then and I really want to know.
When I open my heart and soul to someone and they are deciding to leave me, did they even care for one second?
Because I did, every single one.
I just want once in my lifetime that someone comes along and tries everything to hold me and won’t let me go, even in the bad times when I’m not deserve it.
That’s all I’m asking for, is it already too much?
Written by Charu
Sometimes I think about our past and how great it was and then the sadness kicks in.
We had so many awesome years together and out of nowhere you were gone and left me with nothing but a memory.
The thoughts about you got stronger lately and all I wish for is you and me at night talking about everything just like in the old times.
But then I remind myself that we can’t do this anymore, ’cause we are two completely different people nowadays, have two very different lifestyles and the friendship is just gone.
We are like strangers…
Love can either destroy or heal you.
When you love somebody you are vulnerable, you’re easier of getting hurt or getting healed.
When it hurts like hell and you know you can’t do this anymore and need to walk away, you won’t do that, because you love.
You love the person too much to just leave it all behind, you just can’t.
And that’s love about.
Anger and happiness.
Fights and make ups.
Broken and healed.
All those things can happen when you love somebody and that’s absolutely okay.
When two hearts belong to each other, they will always find their way back, no matter what.
Written by Charu
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I caught myself strolling through our old conversations while I was sobbing — not for the first time.
We were meant to be, we’ve done everything together and now?
Look at us — we are ignoring each other and are strangers again.
Of course I’m hurt but you don’t seem like it. I’m the only one who still suffers for you and it’s tearing me apart.
How could I ever forget us?
Our long late night conversations about the sun and the moon, of how much the moon loves the sun that it dies every day to let it shine and…